Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
