Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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