Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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