I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i think my cat just said my name.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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