You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
