Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
