im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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