Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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