The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
