I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
