I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
