I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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