I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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