even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
