I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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