Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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