I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
