I love black thongs
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
