went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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