I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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