Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
