this beer tastes like vomit already
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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