thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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