I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
