So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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