My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
