Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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