I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
