Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
