"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
