I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
