Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize