just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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