Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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