She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
