do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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