we have officially lost it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
