Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
