$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
