you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
