shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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