i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
