i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
