U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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