it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want to make out with him forever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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