Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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