Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
