As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
