If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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