btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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