No stitches, just platelets and will power
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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