Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
