I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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