i think my tv is drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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