My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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