I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
