I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
