i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
