I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Randomize
