the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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