Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
