My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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