My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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