Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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