This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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