u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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