But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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