Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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