you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
