I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
ttyl tear gas
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
