i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
