Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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