thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
