she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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