I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
