so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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