i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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