I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
