Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
