I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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