My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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