Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
