i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
